tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
