im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
