i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize