Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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