1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
