Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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