how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
