This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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