I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
