the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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