I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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