You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
