i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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