All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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