a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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