Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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