I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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