Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
