I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
