I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
