you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
