dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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