The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
