I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
