he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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