I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ttyl tear gas
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
