Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize