I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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