Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
