I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
