she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
