your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
