so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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