K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
