that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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