Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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