Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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