He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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