my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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