Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we should paint friendship bongs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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