once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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