Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
