We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
