I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
