the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
