the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
