Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
