Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
