so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my shit smells like andre
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
