You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
