I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
