I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
