I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
