I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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