I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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