I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
