Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
