how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
