I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
